law classes in one sentence

For all you non law students out there you might be wondering what I am learning all day, everyday. I get questions like “What is torts?” “What do you do in con law?” so I am just going to give everyone a one sentence synopsis of each first year law school class. 
Contracts: lawyers don’t read contracts before signing them because they know they can get out of them
Civil Procedure (Civ Pro): here’s the rulebook, memorize it, use it to win your case
Torts: the gym class of law school
Law Skills (Lawyering Skills): this is how lawyers write, that writing course you took in high school and college? waste of time
Property: dirt or dead people’s stuff
Constitutional Law (Con Law): figure out what the federal and state governments can get away with
Criminal Law (Crim Law): depressing: death, rape, etc

There will be a three hour exam over this at the end, please write in the correct format, this exam will constitute your entire grade. Good luck!