Wedding Season is not over people. It is just taking a break as kiddies go back to school then it’s going to start again in full force. Then it will be engagement season and around and around we go. Lord help us all. Just kidding, not really, yes I am, no I’m not, oh geez this could go on for a long time. Anyway. Here is the Good Guest’s Guide to Weddings!
1. Arrive on time. The bride and groom do not want to see you sliding in while they are at the alter. Get there at least 10 minutes ahead of the ceremony start time and play ‘I Spy’ if you get board. Watching the bride’s entrance is worth way more than having your hair curled rather than straight.
2. Bring a gift. Make it easy on yourself and get something off the registry, they will like it MUCH more than your Aunt Sally’s hand knitted matching sweaters. Wrap it nicely (or have the store do it), bring it to the reception, and leave it with all the other gifts. These people are giving you dinner, hopefully some amount of alcohol, and dancing, bring them a set of serving spoons for heaven’s sake.
3. Shut up. Hold your peace! Please do not make any toasts unless you are invited to specifically by the bride and groom. Nothing is more awkward than when third cousin’s boyfriend gets up to make a speech and he doesn’t even know the bride’s name… Oh, and ex-boyfriends/girlfriends are strictly off limits, those jokers got kicked to the curb for a reason, so it doesn’t really matter if you liked them better.
4. Dance. Every bride is freaked that people will not be dancing so help a girl out and shake your booty out on the dance floor! Do the cupid shuffle, a line dance, the wobble, the dougie, just make a fool of yourself! If you need a little (stress on the word little, no three sheets to the wind drunk thank you) liquid encouragement get some then head out to the strobe lights! Bonus points if you’re the first ones out there while everyone else is embarrassed. Side note: I always get the bonus points…
5. Remember it’s not your day. This is my mantra during wedding season. Bride you want me to wear a specific color and you’re telling me the week before? No problem, not my day. Groom you want me to pick someone up from the airport an hour away? No problem, not my day. Bride you want me to hold your dress while you pee? No problem, not my day. Couple you want me to tell people that there is no more liquor and then remove the drunkard from the party? No problem, not my day. The happy couple will be attending your wedding at some point and they are going to do the same things for you because at that time it will be your day. But if it’s not your day then just go with the white-tulled-flowered-glittered-flow.
Hope the rest of your wedding season goes swimmingly! Be on the lookout for more Good Guest’s Guides!