Breaking up can break your heart

Tom and I broke it off. And it sucks. My heart hurts. And that might sound silly since it is really for the best but I still care about him so I hate hurting him. I mean I’m not an evil person, I don’t take pleasure in making people feel pain, but I truly believe the entire situation would be exponentially worse if we tried to make it work and both ended up married with children and not completely happy. 

I don’t think I could have made him as happy as he should have been in a marriage so that is ultimately why I broke it off. 

Have you ever had a relationship like that? One where you felt that everything was good but it just wasn’t completely sound? 

You know how people liken some breakups to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? Well this was like trying to fit a square peg in a square hole. Then realizing the peg was blue and you were putting it in the green square. It fit, it works, but it wasn’t perfect for either, and it wasn’t fair to either. And it sure as heck isn’t fair to the green peg and blue square out there looking for their partners!

Tell me you did what I did. Tell me I did the right thing. Tell me it’s going to be fine even though I feel like complete sh*t. 

Tell me someone is bringing wine, Love Actually, and chocolate to my apartment. 

Think I’m a nut job? See my views on marriage

  • Sarah Beth

    If you feel that you did the right thing, than that is all that matters. No, break-ups are never easy but it hurts because you cared and because the relationship mattered for that point in your life. Take it as a lesson and learn from it. I’m not speaking from a side who has some much of the breaking up, but I’ve had my fair share of broken hearts and I know it sucks no matter which side you were on. Take some time for yourself, do things you love, see some friends. I think one of the hardest parts of a breakup is suddenly realizing that everything you do isn’t involving that other person any more, even the small stuff like picking up your phone to text them or making dinner for just yourself now. It’ll take time, I know. But then one day you’ll go through your day and not think about it and it will feel both weird and totally awesome at the same time. And always remember, we’re all here for you :)

  • Madi

    I’ve been in the same position, and you certainly did the right thing. If you weren’t 200% sure that it was exactly exactly right, then you had to do what you did if you want a shot at a really successful marriage. You’re definitely right that it’s not fair to either party to be in a relationship that’s not exactly right. No relationship is perfect or ever will be, but a relationship can be completely and totally right.

    Soon you’ll feel less awful about it, and you’ll certainly have the peace that comes with knowing that you made the right choice. Hold tight, and it’ll all be okay.

  • Rachel Murphree

    I am sorry to hear that. I think that you did the right thing, but I know how hard that can be. Hugs!

  • Allison Moore

    I am sorry to hear that! But coming from a 22 year old who is going through a divorce, you did the right thing! You shouldn’t force things, and while it hurts now the relief and happiness will come soon enough! Also, it would have been much worse if kids were involved..

  • Country Girl’s Daybook

    I’m so sorry to hear that… but you know, there’s a reason for everything. I’m a firm believer in that. Even though it sucks now, you’ll see more than ever why it was a good idea down the road.

    ~ Country Girl’s Daybook

    recently posted: Rest in peace, Anna.

  • kim yi dionne

    So sorry to hear that, Katie. Know this: divorce is worse than a broken engagement. Be well, dear.

  • Christina Laramie

    Sorry to hear this Plumewood. Tom sounded like the perfect guy while I read all your stories.

  • Lori and Rebecca

    My heart is hurting right now too. Love Actually sounds good right now, and so does chocolate.
    And wine. How about some wine?!

  • Carleigh Rae

    I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I have had to end some relationships and it was painful for both of us, I know, but in the end I know in my heart that I did the right thing. It gets easier with time, as cliche as that sounds.