That time I knew I needed to cut myself some slack


Remember in January when I went to Mexico for my Mom’s Birthday over the MLK long weekend? Well, it actually wasn’t as long as it was supposed to be. 

I was supposed to leave on Friday morning at 6AM but I overslept and missed my flight. Well I missed it as in I was at the ticket counter 40 minutes before take off and they don’t let you check in later than 45 minutes before take off. I was very calm when talking to the gate agent (she wasn’t going to help me if I freaked out), I was calm when telling my mom on the phone that I couldn’t make my flight, I was calm putting my bags back in the car and driving out of the airport. 

As soon as got on 635 (for those not in Dallas, 635 is a very large highway with lots of construction) I broke down. I was crying like someone had died. I had to pull off the highway so I could get myself under control. It was rush hour and I wasn’t about to put my life or someone else’s life in danger by having a watering pot driving a car on the highway. 
I cried at a Shell gas station for about 10 minutes. Y’all it was ugly crying. Super ugly. I knew I was upset because I felt like I was ruining all my mom’s plans for her birthday but I had changed my flights and I knew I was going to get there at the same time the next day. But as I tried to calm myself down I realized that I was really upset at myself. As I explored that a little more I realized a large part of it was that I was incredibly embarrassed that I hadn’t had my shit together. That embarrassment was turning into some pretty serious self hatred. 
 

I used my anger and got home. I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up I sat there and thought. I thought about how I deserved to give myself a break. Yeah, I had screwed up. But hating myself wasn’t going to help anything. I tried to tell myself to brush it off, but it was more difficult than just said and done. 
 

After I got back from the trip I realized that yeah my Mom was disappointed but she was more disappointed that I didn’t get to enjoy all the fun on the day I missed rather than being disappointed in me. She forgave me right off the bat so why couldn’t I forgive myself? I made a pact that I was going to cut myself some slack for the next few months and see what happens. 
Cutting myself some slack did not mean slacking off, it meant that I had to embrace that I’m not perfect. Yall, this was so much harder than I thought it would be. 
 

It’s been two months and this is still a process. I am still actively working to reign myself in if I think I’m going down the perfection rabbit hole. Sometimes I go full Katherine in Perfection Wonderland and beat myself up for not getting everything right and sometimes I can pull myself back from that ledge and say Hey let’s not get too close. 
 

Am I the only one who isn’t gung ho on perfection? Are you striving for perfection or cutting yourself some slack?
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