How awkward is flirting?
I mean flirting sucks.Half of the time I don’t even know if I’m doing it right and then the other half of the time I don’t even know if I am actually flirting or if there is an eyelash in my eye and the batting is because my eye is trying to forcibly get it out.
Can we all take a second and recognize (or for all you taken friends remember) how awkward it is? Let’s have a moment of silence for how much of our embarrassment from ages 12 – age of death is due to flirting.
Why didn’t we have a class on this in high school or college? It could have been a requirement for all people past the age of puberty or it at least should have been an elective. Life Sciences: Flirting 101. Then Flirting 201: Flirting for grown ups or those who don’t get engaged in college.
It’s so tragic that I will even admit to you that I have both googled and searched on pinterest “how to flirt.” Some of the best advice I’ve gotten:
1. Make eye contact, then look away, then look back, smile, then look into his eyes
Are you kidding me? Why don’t I just walk up to a guy and say Hi you’re attractive. This whole look, look away, look again thing needs a choreographer and music to get right. No thanks.
2. Turn sideways in your chair, cross your legs, arch your back, and run your fingers through your hair.
I’m sorry are we in a Victoria’s Secret commercial? If I did that anywhere I might hurt myself or fall off the chair. And what if my hair is curly that day? I can’t run my fingers through it or it would stand up on end and I’d look like a lion!
3. Ask the dude next to you to tell you the story behind his tattoo.
Right because then I’ll retort wanna hear the story behind my Harry Potter tattoo? He’d jump back on his motorcycle so fast I’d have to call an officer to conduct a traffic stop for speeding.
4. Tell the hot guy at the gym that you’re impressed with his workout.
Sick. One if I’m at the gym I look like crap. The gym is not a place for makeup it’s a place to work and sweat. So that’s just when I want to approach someone when I’m sweating like pig and my face is all red.
5. Go to a sports bar, sit next to a cute guy, and ask him who you should root for.
No. If I am at a sports bar I will already know who I am rooting for and I’m probably wearing a jersey for the team that will be winning. If he wants to out cheer me then so be it.
Let’s face it yall. I suck at flirting. It’s awkward and I’m awkward. How do you get through it? Should I just drink until I think I’m flirting fine or should I make him drink until he doesn’t think my eyelash twitching is normal?
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